As a person in recovery, we can hopefully by now admit that we’ve made many poor choices in our lives - choices that came with terrible consequences. It is always easier to blame our bad choices and destruction on our addiction, and I am sure we have all done that at some point, however I don’t believe that addiction is an excuse. It may be a reason perhaps, but definitely not an excuse. When the weight of our choices fall heavy upon us, we find that it is time to make changes and face our behaviors. Once we have been in treatment, whether inpatient addiction treatment or an outpatient program, we do come to the realization our behaviors hurt the people who love us, the people whom we also love and care about, and often those behaviors were such that our loved ones may not be ready to forgive.
Over the time you were using, life was likely chaotic. Many of us have been there. We have times where things seem mostly stable but overall, we were not healthy if we were using. But in those moments of perceived stability, we tend to blame everyone and everything for our situation - anything to avoid taking responsibility for our own actions. Looking back I bet you can see that you did have choices - you may not have liked those choices but they were there. In life, we always have a choice, even when it feels as though there are none.
One of the most difficult parts of recovery after inpatient addiction treatment is often the part where you make amends for what you’ve done to others and to yourself. It is important to resolve your guilt and shame and commit to making changes in your life and behavior. It takes work and a strong resolve.
Forgiveness from others will not happen overnight, so please don’t expect that. With the amount of damage caused from your behaviors, putting in the hard work for making amends requires you to walk the walk. As you make positive changes in your life, you may earn their trust and forgiveness, but you also have to accept the possibility that you won’t. The important thing is that you tidy up your side of the room as it pertains to the ways you hurt others. You may find that as people let you back into their lives, they will do so by setting boundaries for your relationship. This is their way of trying. Sometimes support from your loved ones can seem completely unsupportive in your eyes, but if they are willing to stick with you as you make changes for the better, it is worth it to respect those boundaries. It may even help you with staying on track and finding new, healthy ways to manage those relationships.
Not every person in your life will be supportive. It is possible that as you walk your path to recovery, you may lose some friends along the way. It will hurt, mostly because you know you are doing your best and putting in the effort to really change your life for the better. If “sorry” isn’t enough, and changing your ways is not enough, it is important to find a way to cope and come to terms with this. You are powerless to make someone else forgive you. The act of forgiveness is completely on them. Once you have tried your hardest to make amends, stopped the past behaviors and began working on you, the rest will fall on them.
As human beings, we have all done things that have hurt others. The issues really arise and become a problem when we continue to hurt people again and again. At no point should you expect forgiveness if you are not willing to acknowledge your wrongs, own and accept them, and then make the effort to change. What you have to remember, though, is that you can’t torture yourself with your guilt over and over again to appease someone else’s pain. At some point in time, those people to whom you are making amends must make a choice - forgive and move on or don’t and go their separate ways.
Coming to terms with how we have treated others can be a terrible feeling. Trying to make amends might feel even worse as you own up to it. But in the end, you will feel so much better having waded and worked through all of it. The bottom line is that, sometimes “I’m sorry” just doesn’t cut it. You will have to earn it and it will be hard. But you can do it.
The important thing in all of this is that you seek help for your drug addiction. Do not let fear keep you from the life you have always wanted. You do not need to fight this disease alone and any and all concerns that you have can be addressed as you move through the process of recovery. So call the professionals at Evolutions Treatment Center today, at 1-866-771-7091. We are standing by to help you finally overcome your addiction.