Having a life partner who is managing addiction is devastating enough to life, however it can totally wreck a romantic relationship. Both of you weaken from the results of the addictive practices, which makes having a stable, flourishing relationship impossible. Odds are you have officially contemplated leaving your spouse as a result of the addiction.
As the well spouse, getting over the addiction may appear to be straightforward: quit abusing the substances, get treatment, and proceed onward with life.
The other thought you may be experiencing –or maybe that has, as of now, been spoken aloud–is: "If you really, truly adored me and loved me like you say, you'd stop this behavior."
It just isn’t that simple.
Addiction is a dynamic sickness, and unless the individual gets help, the usual course is to spiral downward. As the well spouse, it would be debilitating to your partner if you were to leave, and even that generally is insufficient to force the individual into treatment. He or she has to WANT to get help for themselves, not for you.
What's critical to understand is that the powerlessness to overcome the addiction is not about you and your spouse's adoration for you. It's about the grasp that the addiction has on them.
Giving threats of separation or divorce is likewise not a powerful method, especially if you do not plan to follow through. Something that we have pointed out and stated regularly to our clients who are unhappy with their spouse's behavior is this: "What is the reason your spouse ought to change? What is so uncomfortable about his or her circumstance right now that would make him/her feel the need to change or improve?" And the answer frequently is, "There is no reason for him/her to change," on the grounds that they are somewhat enabling the very behavior they hate.
Things to Ask Yourself
Choosing to separate or get a divorce from your spouse is seldom a simple choice. Some questions you can ask yourself to make the decision as to whether divorce is the right option include:
Have you gotten assistance from an addiction professional and counselor to assist you with managing the difficulty in being involved with an addict?
Have you done all you can to help your spouse get suitable addiction psychotherapy? If not, have you considered setting up an intervention to persuade them to attempt treatment?
Have you clearly warned your spouse that you will leave if the substance abuse does not stop?
It is safe to say that you are genuinely prepared to divorce your spouse if he/she does not quit using?
A unique note: If your spouse is being violent with you or your children, get out and go somewhere safe, where your spouse will not find you. Get legitimate advice from a professional about how to move forward once you are safe.
After the Ultimatum
Suppose your spouse did heed your warning and he or she does get treatment. Now your spouse is sober and things should be great, right? Unfortunately, this is not the end of your issues as a couple. While the addiction, without a doubt, exacerbated the issues you had, they likely did not absolutely vanish on the grounds that your spouse is presently sober. As a component of a comprehensive treatment plan–which incorporates continuous outpatient therapy–you and your spouse should seriously consider going to couples counseling, gatherings (AA, NA, or others), and support groups to assist you with reconstructing and strengthening your relationship from this new chapter. A mindful, supportive relationship is a key component in enduring this phase together. You have made it too far to give up now!
The important thing in all of this is that you seek help for your addicted spouse. Any and all concerns that you have can be addressed as you move through the process of recovery. So call the professionals at Evolutions Treatment Center today, at 1-866-771-7091. We are standing by to help you finally overcome your addiction.